Growing up non-verbal there were only a few select people I felt comfortable talking to, my grandma, Dorothy was one of them. She was the heart of the family. She never had a negative thing to say, always smiling and taking care of everyone around her. When school wasn't the easiest for me, I couldn't wait to get off and go see her. She'd always have candy and a big hug waiting for me. We would go out and walk through the garden and I would tell her all about my day. Anything I wanted to do, she do it with me. Rather that'd be dressing up, drawing, singing, playing basketball, she'd do it. She was my safe space, there was nothing that calmed down more than being in her arms. I was 10 when she fell ill with cancer. It was about a year watching her decline, to the point she became bedridden. From what I was aware at the time she didn't want anyone to know how sick she was.
I remember the day before her passing. I was laying on her chest. She was so tired and frail, she could barely keep her eyes open. She developed a Squint in her left eye, with what energy she had she turned to me and smiled with her little squint and fell asleep. As I'm laying on her chest, listening to her breathing, it felt different, almost like there was something blocking her from taking full breaths. I didn't Know what was happening but, I felt something coming that wasn't a good feeling. I held onto her tight that whole day, till my mom said we had to go back home. The next morning, my mom and my aunt raced out the door. I remember her face before leaving, something was wrong. I could hear my dad quietly throwing up in the bathroom before having to tell us the news. I knew it, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't cry till my dad explained more and he could barely hold his words together. The sky was so dark and overcast that day. Aimlessly I was just staring out the window, looking up at sky. A part of the clouds seperated into an opening above our house, that looked just like a heart. It was a heart shaped hole in the clouds. I didn't know if I was just imagining things but, it felt like her saying that she loves us.
This story in particular is what made me believe spirit will always find their way back in our lives. Prior to her passing there was a stray orange tabby cat, that would always come around and my grandpa would feed him. We believe he was around as a kitten that my grandma would shoo him away. She didn't like cats but, he started feeding him more when she was in bed sick. The cat was very skiddish, we couldn't even be in the backyard or turn a doorknob without him running away. He was around for over a year but his comfortablity didn't change. Until the day after my grandma passed. I was sitting outside the night after her death, trying process everything that just happened. My mind was blank, I think I might have been crying to myself. I look over in the bushes and I see the stray cat coming over, I expect him to run but, he's just sitting there...I've never seen that from him before. I say come here kitty. He runs to me, purring rubbing up against my leg. I was so excited, slowly I tried to see if he would follow into the house. He did, he ran right in the house with me. I asked if we could keep him and my grandpa said I think he's already ours. He went and explored the house and I said let's call him tigger. I said, come here Tigger! instantly he came over to me. We were all amazed and a little weirded out. This has never been the cat's behavior before. It was amazing, he stayed with me and layed on my lap for 3 hours that night before we let him back outside. The next day he was there waiting for me and didn't leave my side since.
The first month that we had him , he would always look at us with a squint in his left eye, just like my grandma's. He didn't have an injury that's just how he'd look at us when he'd lay down. He would follow me everywhere I'd go. I was just learning photography and all I wanted to do was take pictures of him. I had a little photo booth and I'd grab a stool and he'd just sit there and let me take pictures of him for hours. I could dress him up and put jewelry all over him. He didn't care , he loved being in front of the camera. No matter how far he was from home, if I called him he came running. If I hung out in the front yard by myself he would always be right there watching me and follow my every move. As people walked passed he sit there growling. He was my protector. We all felt like it was a piece of her that came back to us and stuck around.
Later on, in my late teens. I was in a peak state of my depression. I was homeschooled, I didn't have any friends, I socially couldn't talk yet and I couldn't leave the house. I would spend my days drawing and doing craft projects. I wasn't a social media kid, But one day I decided to download instagram to see how it worked. I started posting my art with hastags and at first, I got really nervous when people started looking at it and commenting. I would respond then, on occasion people would talk to me. It was something I never experienced before. I didn't know I could communicate with people over text and they actually were interested in me. This sparked a whole new world for me. It came with it's challenges and learning not everyone is looking out for your best interest but, it was a learning experiance.
I had met this boy from Sri Lanka. His name is Duruthu. His joke nickname in highschool was Dorothy. For a year we would just comment back and forth and recreate each others art. One day, he posted a picture of an orange tabby kitten, that he tagged me in and jokingly asked, if I wanted him. I responded with a Picture of tigger and our first direct message saying, nah I got my own. We started talking back and forth from there. Making up our own stories about our cats taking over the world one day together. We became instant best friends talking everyday, drawing together, supporting each other. We would skype all the time, It took me about a year to be able to start speaking to him but, he did'nt mind. Slowly he was helping me learn how to communicate. Everytime Tigger saw him on camera he would come over to look at the screen and just sit there purring with the squint in his eye again. It felt nice like it was my grandma's approval. Meeting him was the best thing that has ever happen to me. He changed the course of my life.
its been ten years now, and to this day, we've stayed best friends — like soul companions, deeply woven into each other’s lives. My journeys back and forth to Sri Lanka have become more than travel; they’ve been chapters of growth and healing. Overcoming obstacles I never thought I would even dare to face. Our beloved cats have since come and gone. Yet each time one leaves our world, another orange tabby finds its way into our lives, always with that same gentle squint in their left eye. It’s as if something greater is at work. Each feline messenger arriving just when it’s needed most. I still can’t quite fathom the odds of Duruthu coming into my life from across the world, their nickname of Dorothy, the cats, how everything is somehow connected. But, I’ve come to believe it wasn’t by chance. I feel, deep in my heart, that this is my grandmother’s quiet magic. Her spirit watching over me, sending signs and guiding me forward. In every synchronicity, I feel her love, reminding me that I am never truly alone. She's always there in some shape or form. She's my soulmate.
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